Can you imagine...

For some strange reason I bought myself a scratch and win the other day while getting myself a muffin at the local gas station. I bought something similar to the image to your left.

It's been about a week and would you believe that scratch and win is STILL sitting in my purse, unscratched. Normally I go to town right away but this time...I don't know.

Whenever I happened to remember that ticket I always went through a bit of a fantasy day-dream like you see in the commercials for lotteries. What IF I actually won? What if I was Set for Life? Would I take the $1000 a week for 25 years or the lump sum payment of $675,000?

I kind of like the idea of getting a cheque or a bank deposit for $1000 every week. I don't think I'd quit my job or anything but man, could I have some fun with that! The lump sum would make anything we want to do (renovations, vacations, etc) easier to plan for but it's definitely not an amount that will let you retire early unless you invest it.

If I won I would do the following:

• go shopping! What better way to use a windfall than buy some new shoes...and dresses...and pants ;)
• finish the damn renovations in my house. I might even go crazy and HIRE someone to do them. Oh sure, my husband probably LOVES getting frustrated and swearing at various inanimate objects as he tries to do the renos himself but I am nothing but I considerate wife ;)
• go on a vacation. Even if it is just a short get-away. Damn, I NEED a vacation
• invest what I can. I don't want to end up on one of those reality TV shows about the lottery winners who go bust in a year.

If you won, what would you do? Is there a special treat you'd buy? A debt you'd pay off? Or would you be UBER sensible and just through it all in a GIC?

I guess I should just go scratch the stupid thing...ya never know ;)

Ohh, that's nasty!

There are things that I say to my husband that are so clever but yet, so dirty that I hesitate to share with most people. Well, what fun is that? I'm sure you will soon see, I am all about fun (in my lovely alter-ego, alternate reality kind of life. In real life I am a play it safe, follow the rules, don't rock the boat kind of girl. I really must have the two sides meet up someday. Maybe we can mud wrestle for supreme control of my personality).

Anyway...to give some background, my husband likes me to Swallow. I hate Swallowing. In fact, I hate having it in my mouth period. Blech! But I will humor him occasionally and go along with his desires. After one such time he called out to me as I went over to the sink

Husband: "What is worse, semen or Buckley's?" (I was suffering from this niggling little cough that just would NOT go away. So I suffered through Buckley's. Lemme tell you: it tastes awful and it don't work worth shit!!)

Me: "Well, I swallow Buckley's"

Now, I will admit that I DID NOT mean it to come out like the clever retort it did. That was pure luck. I'm pretty sure in my head I was supposed to have the words "have to" in front of swallow. But it popped out as above and hilarity ensured. My husband has a very quick, dry, clever sense of humor and he appreciates a good one-liner. I was Queen of Sexual Innuendo for the rest of the night.

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There was another time I got off a really good come back. My husband decided to use the front door instead of come in through the garage. I saw him so I opened the door for him (yeah, I'm a sweet wife for that huh?) As I open the door he greets me with this:

Husband: "Have you let Jesus into your heart?" (I'm not religious at all so he was trying to be funny)

Me: "That's not the only thing I've let him in to."

He gives me a quick look and busts out laughing. Once again, I was Queen for the day for that one.