Wednesday, January 20, 2010

An Open Letter to My Husband

Dear Husband,

I get it. You're stressed. Who can blame you? You have no job, a mortgage, and two young children driving you nuts. It's not easy being the stay-at-home parent. Hey, unless you have forgotten, I have 2 years of that under my belt. And do not TRY to tell me it is harder for you than it was for me. At least the kids can talk (somewhat) and let you know what they want. Unlike what I had to deal with which was crying. Loud, piercing crying. And no clue what those cries meant most of the time.

But if you want to get through this brief period in your life (and it will be brief I'm sure. Yes, the job market kind of sucks for your area right now and no, you don't want to just take any job just to have a job) without giving yourself a heart attack you have GOT to figure out how to let the small stuff slide. Yelling back at the kids when they are tired and cranky isn't going to make them happy cheerful beings.

I'm just as guilty. I get frustrated, lose my cool, yell over tiny transgressions. I'm not perfect. But I want to try to stay calm. I want to try using positive reinforcement. And I can't do that if you decide to yell at me too.

Children learn by mimicing the behaviour they see. Obviously if we are at each other's throats they will start acting the same. So stop with the condescending remarks to me. Stop making me feel like I have done nothing to help maintain the house. Your comments aren't appreciated and just get me pissed off. And the follow up of "I was only joking" is not appreciated. Your "jokes" do not feel like jokes to me. I've told you this numerous times and yet you don't seem to get it.

For the time being I am the one who has to get up, get ready, and leave the house for work. When I was the one home all day and YOU left for work I certainly didn't expect you to do a bunch of childcare related things when you were trying to get ready. If you did, it was appreciated but honestly, you barely had anything to do with our kids until the first one hit 2. And don't try to protest, you know it and I know it. Let's move on.

You'll probably never read this. But I feel better just getting it out.


The Bormann Family said...

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the blogging world and to SITS. Writing it out is always a good approach and I know this is a little spammy, but I happened to write a post today about motivating men. Maybe it has something that can help.

Unfortunately, there's still a pretty big double standard for stay at home moms vs dads, especially if a dad wasn't planning on it. I heard one guy refer to it as "watching his kids"! Dude, you are parenting, not babysitting!

Seattle Kim D said...

Though I haven't experienced it myself, I can understand your frustration, hang in there, your kids will appreciate when they're all grown up and will pay it back to you. :) In the mean time, vent away, writing out your frustrations always makes you feel (at least a little bit) better.

Twincerely,Olga said...

Happy Share fest Saturday! I'm sorry you both are going thru this! We started doing something caLLed The Love Dare.It's a book and I am doing it first but it has already started changing our marriage for the better!

natural girl said...

Loved the fact that you can rant online. at least it gets it out and doesn't fester away.

I found you on someone elses blog roll and want to follow but cannot find the follow button on your page. Could just be having a blonde moment.

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